I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
