If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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