I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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