Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
