What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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