So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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