I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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