so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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