I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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