I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
