Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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