All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
