I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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