He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
