i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
