What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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