i will never coherently bang her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
