Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
