I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
