So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
