i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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