what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She bit a glass in half.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
