If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize