You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have post one night stand depression
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
