Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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