I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
