Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
