I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
