I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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