So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
