Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
