god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
