Me. At least after what I've been through.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
