A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
