sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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