Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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