It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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