Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
