there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
