I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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