Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
