Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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