she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We’re leaving where are you
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