do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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