I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
