If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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