i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
