I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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