i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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