I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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