We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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