I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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