Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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