you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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