I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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