Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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