Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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