That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
