How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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