umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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