Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
try to milk me bitch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
