The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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