Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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